Though we typically think of the holidays as a time of joy and togetherness, the reality for divorced couples with kids is slightly more complicated. Even if you have an amicable relationship with your ex, finding a holiday visitation schedule with your kids that works for everyone can sometimes seem impossible.
That's why some couples do what many might think is highly unorthodox: spend the holidays together for the sake of the kids.
Is it a bad idea? As always, it depends on the family.
The Pros and Cons of Spending Holidays with Your Ex
For one thing, spending the holidays together with your ex seems to solve many problems at once. You don't have to fight over scheduling conflicts, you don't have to celebrate separately from your kids, and your kids won't have to voice awkward choices about which parent they want to visit during this special time. And if this co-parenting experiment works, it could be a great memory for everyone.
However, the negative aspects might overshadow any benefits. For one, it might be confusing for the kids to see their parents back "together" even if it's just for the holiday. Even if you are somewhat friendly with your ex, potential arguments, both old and new, could quickly come up between you. After all, you divorced them for a reason. And what if either of you brings a new partner along?
Things could get messy fast.
Creative Scheduling Options as An Alternative
If you don't want to risk the potential disasters of spending the holidays with your ex, there are plenty of scheduling options.
Some parents like to celebrate twice. For example, the kids spend the actual calendar holiday with one parent while celebrating the same holiday a little early with the other. Or, if the parents live near each other, they spend the first part of the day with one part of the family and the second with the other.
Another way to approach is to alternate the holidays throughout the year. For example, one year, the mom gets the child on Christmas, and the dad gets the child on Thanksgiving, and next year, it's the opposite.
A third approach is to settle on fixed holidays. This way, one holiday is always with mom and the other is always with dad.
Sometimes, families celebrate a holiday as a giant extended family in the form of a party, exes and all, like a family reunion. Having grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins there can relieve pressure off being alone with your ex. A party-like atmosphere with lots of adults can help stave off potential conflict.
Whatever You Do - Come to an Agreement
The last thing you want is for the court to get involved in a scheduling conflict you can't resolve between you. Do you really want an enforced decision that neither of you will be happy with?
Tis the season to find a visitation schedule with your ex that works for both of you. Even if you have to compromise, it's better than the alternative of having to go to court.
Your kids will appreciate it, and you will help model the spirit of kindness and giving this holiday season.
Want to Know More?
If you have questions about getting the optimal holiday visitation schedule, contact Park Family Law. Whether you need an experienced mediator to amicably and efficiently settle your case or an aggressive litigator to get you the best result in court, Park Family Law can assist you every step of the way.